I failed

I threw in the towel at 17 days. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. I did not handle the ending well and Mistress Noir is pretty pissed at me. Our friendship, which I valued, will not overcome this. I feel pretty guilty about it at this point, and she is venting quite a bit about it on fetlife.
Regardless, I feel like I learned a lot from it all. First chastity will not repair a broken relationship. It requires more communication, not less. More attention and interaction, not less. Mistress and I probably did not know each other well enough before taking on an experiment of this magnitude. We were not in a long term mistress/sub relationship, a dating one or much else. I think that was a contributing factor. Another was that we didn't live particularly close, we have enormously busy lives full of family, career and personal obligations.

None of this is to make excuses. I quit. The fault is mine. None of that is to excuse the fact that I made a unilateral decision to end it. That was wrong, and it has annoyed her more than I ever expected or wanted. My intentions were good, but I did not live up to my end of the bargain. I have served many mistresses in my years. Most of them were professionals and topping from the bottom is my biggest fault. I have been trying to cure myself of this problem, but clearly it is not going to happen quickly or over night.

There have been things I'm proud of. I experimented with chastity a bit, and the most I was ever able to pull off was about four days. I managed 17 under her control. 17 isn't 21, but I didn't freak out completely when it started to get difficult, and it didn't take long to get really difficult. There is nothing like a bad day at work with real life annoyances compounded by the rubbing of a cage around your dick. She also gave me two pretty brutal beatings and one less intense one. I could not stop them and she beat me as much as she thought I could handle.These were a shock to the system. I did not enjoy them at all while they were happening, yet they create incredible feelings of closeness that I'm not sure dominant women fully understand. The results of the last one are in the picture above. I'm proud to have survived two major beatings.

I'm not sure where I go from here with chastity in my life. I can also tell you that chastity is a kink mostly doomed to fail. I am coming out a vanilla, failed marriage and a lot of the reasons for failure was that I became more interested in fetish porn and masturbation than making love to her. I truly want that to end. If and when I have a new life partner, I do know that she must be strong enough to lock me in periodically. She'd never let me go on a business trip unlocked, she'd never leave me alone at home for a length of time unlocked and she'd merciless paddle me for ever cumming without her permission. I hope she's out there and shares other life interests of mine, of which there are plenty. Having said that I don't think I want or need 24/7 chastity. I want to stop masturbating to digital images instead of sharing my seed with a real life flesh and blood woman. I don't think 24/7 is necessarily needed to accomplish that, but it will be needed at some points.

This will be my last post here. Thank you for reading.

It's always interesting with Mistress Noir

I had myself quite a week. I spent a day with Mistress and here is how it began with a message from her:

"Task : You will find something to try on or whatever makes for a good excuse to go to the dressing room in Fascinations. Once you are in dressing room, I want you to tease your caged cock until it's trying to burst out of the cage. You will take a picture that shows it teased hard and trying to burst from the cage. I want to see that it has been taken in the dressing room. Note: since we will be returning to purchase one of the items you have on hold, I will be checking the dressing room and comparing to what I see in the pic you send. I will know if it was taken where i have asked it to be taken. Accountability can be fun, see? If you choose not to do the task as I have given it... or u can't do it for whatever reason, yours or store won't support u being able to use dressing room... regardless of who's fault it is, if the task can't be completed... it will generate consequences that you will be asked to accept for non compliance. It will be either 300 swats added to what you will get for the 4 demerits you got for touching yourself uncaged over the weekend. We will discuss demerits and what each demerit means to your bare bottom face to face. Discipline needs to be given so it corrects behaviors that r not acceptable. Punishment has to fit the infraction. Not all correction will be spankings. Given Accountability is something you will have lots of opportunity to experience during this experiment I will decide your disciplinary course as I see fit."

So I showed up in the store, naturally no one else is there. Clerk has seen it all, so he is all casual and we have a nice conversation about the different torture devices and even test out an electric shocker. I then casually ask to try on a tee shirt in the dressing room. Here is my opening to fulfill the get hard task. I pull up Mistress'  instructions, to get aroused, and start jerking it as best I can through the cage furiously trying to get aroused and ultimately being successful. I feel pretty absurd and dirty, but I think that was her intention.

Later on I head over to her friend Miss Fortune's space, where Mistress Noir straps me on this bench, with completely inescapable bondage, though pretty comfortable, and she begins paddling my ass for past transgressions. I have to confess to feeling a bit sheepish about being punished in front of another mistress I didn't know, but Mistress Noir handled it all very well and she left me wanting more. We even took an HD video of it that may very well show up on Clips for Sale one day. My advice is to request clips from her.

As an aside, I couldn't help but see all the comments on fetlife eager to take on my role. I am a very lucky man, but chastity is far more difficult than most people realize. Just be careful what you wish for out there.

One week down

I completed a full week and was given a reprieve by Mistress Noir to clean up, shave and even get a release, with caveats of course. I was not allowed to touch it. Mistress believes it's important for prostate health to release once a week. I was planning on doing the full 21 days and my biggest health concern was blood circulation down there, but my orgasm is a choice I turned over to her. Eventually I'll ask that embarassing question to a doctor.

So many thoughts went through my mind this week. One thing I notice is that chastity creates intense feelings to your keyholder. I have little doubt I will be completely obsessed with Mistress by the time this is all over. Some women will appreciate this more than others. My prime desire during week one really wasn't release, it was just to hear from mistress, to be given orders and to share with her what I'm going through. Chastity all alone can't be very fun, which I discovered when I was experimenting with it on my own. Mistress, like me, has lots of life demands above and away from this experiment. For her this is indeed an experiment. A way for her to research the effects of chastity on a male. She is branching out into counseling and sees chastity as a marriage tool.

I can't help but think during this where chastity plays into my real life. I have a marriage on the rocks, not for the reasons of kink, and part of me wonders what role chastity plays in real life. I do not think I would agree to a 24/7 lock up. I think I need someone who will discipline me and keep me locked during peak masturbation time. "Honey, I'm going out for a while and I don't want you to masturbate. Get your dick in the cage. You are not allowed to cum without my presence and permission." I think I could sign up for that on an ongoing basis.

If the wife and I patch it up, I may have to report to mistress to be my disciplinarian. I may show up with a weekly checklist and how severely she goes is based on my report card for that week. I'm still figuring it all out. All I know right now is that I get to see her tomorrow. I have to sign off and get my dick all hard and bothered in this cage, and it appears I'm due for a punishment. It's strange and erotic to be talked to like a child about the spanking you have forthcoming and have no control over. Who knows what else she has in store for me.

SOMETHING NEW IS INCORPORATED by - Mistress Noir

In anticipation of seeing me, beginning 48 hours from our scheduled next F2F, I want you to masturbate ( or whatever is possible while it's in it's cage) 2x a day - once in the evening and one more time in the morning before 10:30am. 

 

Your cock must get hard and remain hard for a minimum of 3 minutes not to exceed 5 minutes and you MUST NOT CUM during masturbation or any other time for that matter. Basically I am requesting you tease yourself, and I am requesting that you honor my instruction for orgasm denial until we meet this week.

 

While you are jerking your willy I want you to think about me playing with your caged cock. Yes, Im being a cocks tease. Isn't that what you fantasize?

. 

Better yet I want you to think about what I can do with you spread eagle and restrained, spread eagle face down. Giggle, get ready for some bare bottom attn. 4 demerits must be addressed when I see you next.

 

              ~ Ahhh that is a nice start for you to fantasize about... 

 

Oh yes privately I'm going to send some visual images that should make you blush or be inspired to sprout a hard-on thinking about me.

 

I expect you to follow thru with the above tasks, and if something comes up that interferes with you doing as instructed please notify me immediately.(by TEXT)

 

Looking forward to taking you down the rabbit hole for another confined week with me. Actually, its a week without me given we are not under the same roof. Can you imagine if it were a significant other using her power as I use mine?! I would tease far more relentless, I'm sure.  But for this experiment, I am your Mistress and you have a significant. Funny thing about power, is its ability to imprint on others. I can mold you by the power I infuse into this experiment and you. Wouldn't it be cool  if the possibility to shift the power dynamic from one female to another could be something in reality? Think about that after your willy has softened from being teased while thinking of your Mistress. 

 

Wow ~ I love experimenting.

 

sweet dreams caged cock  -

 

Mistress Noir

Mistress Noir - Input

 SAT we agreed is a good "get out of cage free day" -

It has been an interesting first week. My locked up cock is trying his best to not be a pain in my ass with the needy behaviors that this seems to evoke with a locked down dick. I will give him credit he has not been able to see me since his cock has been caged. I know he hoped and wanted to have a day or sleep the night over so we could be together. He isnt whining for release yet, but I dont think he should. Im letting him out once a week to air it out, clean it, and if he hasnt lost the privilege this is the most likely time he will be allowed a release. My way whatever that might be. Or if his wife wants to fuck him he can be freed into her care for the duration his wife wants to use his cock for her sexual needs. We havent incorporated her into experiment as of yet at least her and I have not met or had discussions . I know he has talked to his wife, and she isnt stopping the experiment. I hope she and I do talk and I may get the chance to share with her the findings of the research study and what that could do or mean for a relationship in the state it is. I believe if she controlled his dick in a way he knew topping from the bottom would not be tolerated, she has the opportunity to make this a relationship where she is in control of a chaste husband, who would dote, adore, and do almost anything for her. Its as simple as asking... I will not weigh in on their relationship unless it is asked of me. But I truly believe chastity will change him... maybe her too. I hope for the better.

So  I sent my chastity experiment a note on sat. his release day. It said the below...

Sat is a busy day - and its your dick free day... I think I am going to make dick free day a bit more challenging. I want you to not touch your dick for any reason after the cage is off and you have showered and cleaned your dick well. No touching for peeing no touching for pleasure no touching to shift it... Then count how many times you accidentally touch your dick thru out the day, if any. Each touch counts as a point. How many points will be a factor to your next discipline session ...

enjoy the day... 

He was honest and told me his hand touch his dick 3 no 4 times while it was free... 4 demerits has been earned and will be addressed at his 1st of weekly disciplinary sessions.  

I think I will be seeing him tomorrow, Monday. Lots to catch up on together and he is going to be punished for his infractions from the week past. Most likely face down, ass up, RESTRAINED, and will get at a minimum 40 swats. But most likely will get a hella more than he thinks he wants or deserves.

Thats a wrap... time for me to crawl into bed myself.

Good night, I hope the sandman doesnt keep you awake or more likely a hard willy in the night keeping you up while you try to sleep. Yes sleep is important, going to go enjoy mine now.

Noir

Two days into chastity

I'm two full days into my chastity predicament and I'm still trying to process it all. My moods and my emotions sway. I think about Mistress Noir a lot. Two days later my ass is still very swollen and blistered, and every change of position there is a bit of rubbing that makes me think of her. I don't feel the urge or drive to cum yet, and I don't think that's because orgasm is a pipe dream at this point. I just went to feel connected to hear, to know that my suffering pleases her in some way. I want her to be cruel, kind and teasing, but ultimately she's going to be what she's going to be. I'm not totally sure where this chastity thing plays into my life. I do know that if I have a life partner again she must be comfortable never letting me masturbate again -- at least without her permission. I don't foresee being in a permanent 24/7 situation, but no trips out of time unlocked, no left alone unsecure. Daily masturbation has done a lot of damage in terms of the human connection I need. I hope this little kink gets spread out there and become more mainstream.

The deed has been done

Well the deed has been done. I received the beating I asked for and deserved and I am now locked in chastity. I'm still trying to process it all. The day was full of anxiety. I texted Mistress letting her know I was nervous, frightened and it reached the point where I was borderline terrified. She wasn't moved. This reply was pretty characteristic of what she was saying to me all day:

"Well butterfly Suzy, you have good right to be. You asked for nothing nice and you asked the right person to deliver exactly that. It's going to go down as I am capable to execute. And in a role you will find hard pressed to wiggle out of once the hand is in motion. You pleasantly, for the first time in a long time, do not get to top from the bottom. I have no guilt to what I'm about to do to you. I am taking your ability to control the submissive side of things away as of today and heck yea, I'd be hella fucking nervous if I were you. Accountability is a long time cumming and you want it so bad you are chewing on its tail right this minute. Enjoy your bottom as it is now. You will leave a changed man at least from your butt's perspective. You need your bare bottom punished like a brat can only get. Stern, severe, swift and no safety word to get you out of what you need."

 

 

The thing was, I couldn't argue. I was speechless. She was right. I always tried to negotiate my discipline. I needed to be broken, I drove off with some serious anxiety resigned to my fate. I never thought about not following through because the simple bottom line was I needed this, no matter how unpleasant it would be. I have scripted every scene I've ever done. I've done scores of sessions with scores of different dominant women. None of them truly made me feel I was not in some degree of control. I was really broken last night. Control lost.

 

 

Here is how it all went down. Mistress ordered me to her bed. I was lying flat. Arms and legs tight. The ball gag I foolishly suggested was a particularly bad decision. She told me that I had a choice to make. I could call it off, or I could consent to a brutal beating that I would have no control over. As much as I didn't want it, I knew I needed it. She lit into my ass. in sets of ten. It didn't take long to know what I had signed up for. I squirmed. I moaned, I begged. My breathing got heavy. One implement after another rained down fire on my ass. This wasn't fun. This was real. Mistress Noir broke me. I was truly at her mercy. Piling on extra for my lateness and then more when the ball gag caused muscle spasms in my jaw. Mocking me for my inability to express much about my predicament being especially cruel.

 

 

It really wasn't fun. But oddly enough I know this is something I'm going to do again. I enjoy those long, luxurious, connective fun floggings, but I think I need to take a hard, cold, brutal one sometimes as well. When this one was over I felt a rush and an intense desire to kneel before her and kiss her ass, which she graciously allowed me.

 

 

Almost secondary to the intensity of that act is the fact that I am now locked in chastity to Mistress Noir. I'm almost a day in and so far all is well. It's a secure feeling to get hard in a cage knowing it is so limited. I think about her constantly. I don't think of the orgasm I can't have, I just think of her. I crave the accountability she has given me. We agreed to 21 days and I know she'll hold me to it. It is not going to be easy, but it is what I asked for and what I need.