I'm in my forties. It's not too many times I have a date circled on my calendar with each preceding day marked off like a 10-year-old anticipating Christmas morning. But I have that now. I've had that all week. Tomorrow I will surrender real power to someone who will hold me accountable, the amazing Mistress Noir. After several weeks of trial and error, negotiations and meetings, I will begin 21 hard days of chastity and receive my first true "no-limit" disciplinary punishment. I'm not sure which of those two things I'm more nervous about.
I'm a typical submissive. I watch a lot of fetish porn, I develop fantasies, I write down detailed accounts of my desires, see professional doms, act them out and it is all kind of paint by numbers. Still fun, but I'm never really nervous, and I never really get in over my head. Tomorrow will be different.
Most mistresses I've been with ease up at the first sign of duress. Part of me liked that, but after time I began to question who the hell I was in all this. Is this desire to submit really me or not? Do I really want to submit to a woman or control the situation. This came to mind when I met Mistress Noir, and we really struck up a rapport after I interviewed her for my podcast Dominatrix Conversations. She got into my head. We exchanged thoughts and views on kinkiness and we didn't rush into anything. We set a course, we've laid out expectations, and we've made a solemn pact that she will hold me accountable to. Regardless of how it goes, I know I will never forget her.
This is what I've agreed on and what I am facing. First I will be beaten. Mistress has promised to tie me down, arms and legs spread wide, in bondage, blindfolded, completely at her mercy. I will be left there for a period of time she chooses marinating in the situation. At some point she is going to come in, gag me and punish me. Fortunately I don't think I've displeased her yet, but that is not really the purpose of this punishment. Mistress Noir has promised to give me a serious ass beating to establish a baseline for what will happen if I try to renege on our agreement or manipulate the cage illegally. This isn't designed to be playful or fun and it will go on until she feels I know the consequences of disobedience. I'm hoping to convince her quickly. When it's over, I will have a clear understanding that this will be the future consequences for violating our agreement on wearing my chastity device honest and true, which I will begin doing this night. I'm not looking forward to this punishment, as I am not going to enjoy it. I'm not a pain slut. I'm just a man who wants to live true to himself and kneel before a woman and say, "I want to feel what it is like to be truly under your power and control and live up to the fantasies in my head -- even if they are difficult."
This is what I've agreed on and what I am facing. First I will be beaten. Mistress has promised to tie me down, arms and legs spread wide, in bondage, blindfolded, completely at her mercy. I will be left there for a period of time she chooses marinating in the situation. At some point she is going to come in, gag me and punish me. Fortunately I don't think I've displeased her yet, but that is not really the purpose of this punishment. Mistress Noir has promised to give me a serious ass beating to establish a baseline for what will happen if I try to renege on our agreement or manipulate the cage illegally. This isn't designed to be playful or fun and it will go on until she feels I know the consequences of disobedience. I'm hoping to convince her quickly. When it's over, I will have a clear understanding that this will be the future consequences for violating our agreement on wearing my chastity device honest and true, which I will begin doing this night. I'm not looking forward to this punishment, as I am not going to enjoy it. I'm not a pain slut. I'm just a man who wants to live true to himself and kneel before a woman and say, "I want to feel what it is like to be truly under your power and control and live up to the fantasies in my head -- even if they are difficult."
The purpose of this is a two part experiment on both our parts to find out how chastity changes behavior in a man, and secondly how does corporal punishment change the man. I'm as curious to find out the answers as she is.
For my chastity I will be wearing a cb6000, the ever popular device. I have added the KSD-G3 attachment to make it even more secure. Fantasy and reality are very different. I've experimented on my own. Chastity isn't easy. There is a constant reminder around your dick that you are being controlled. Every woman looks more attractive, you sure as hell won't be having sex with any of them, and the device leaves you in a state of perpetual arousal. All submissives know that feeling we get when we cum. That dizzy headed car crash sense of "how did I get here." Your eagerness to serve dissipates, you lose your place.
For 21 days minimum, I won't be having an orgasm unless it is Mistress Noir's express desire and ok. If I find a way to cheat and masturbate, I must confess and accept a punishment or lose my place in her life. The only way the device is coming off and the experiment ends is if it causes a medical issue. I have asked Mistress to tend to the body carefully, but let me work through the torment of this experiment. No way out, no excuses. It's an intimate thing and I feel special to be doing this with her.
It's also a vicious circle I'm facing, I'm happy to share it and I could not be happier to begin.
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