Two days into chastity

I'm two full days into my chastity predicament and I'm still trying to process it all. My moods and my emotions sway. I think about Mistress Noir a lot. Two days later my ass is still very swollen and blistered, and every change of position there is a bit of rubbing that makes me think of her. I don't feel the urge or drive to cum yet, and I don't think that's because orgasm is a pipe dream at this point. I just went to feel connected to hear, to know that my suffering pleases her in some way. I want her to be cruel, kind and teasing, but ultimately she's going to be what she's going to be. I'm not totally sure where this chastity thing plays into my life. I do know that if I have a life partner again she must be comfortable never letting me masturbate again -- at least without her permission. I don't foresee being in a permanent 24/7 situation, but no trips out of time unlocked, no left alone unsecure. Daily masturbation has done a lot of damage in terms of the human connection I need. I hope this little kink gets spread out there and become more mainstream.

The deed has been done

Well the deed has been done. I received the beating I asked for and deserved and I am now locked in chastity. I'm still trying to process it all. The day was full of anxiety. I texted Mistress letting her know I was nervous, frightened and it reached the point where I was borderline terrified. She wasn't moved. This reply was pretty characteristic of what she was saying to me all day:

"Well butterfly Suzy, you have good right to be. You asked for nothing nice and you asked the right person to deliver exactly that. It's going to go down as I am capable to execute. And in a role you will find hard pressed to wiggle out of once the hand is in motion. You pleasantly, for the first time in a long time, do not get to top from the bottom. I have no guilt to what I'm about to do to you. I am taking your ability to control the submissive side of things away as of today and heck yea, I'd be hella fucking nervous if I were you. Accountability is a long time cumming and you want it so bad you are chewing on its tail right this minute. Enjoy your bottom as it is now. You will leave a changed man at least from your butt's perspective. You need your bare bottom punished like a brat can only get. Stern, severe, swift and no safety word to get you out of what you need."

 

 

The thing was, I couldn't argue. I was speechless. She was right. I always tried to negotiate my discipline. I needed to be broken, I drove off with some serious anxiety resigned to my fate. I never thought about not following through because the simple bottom line was I needed this, no matter how unpleasant it would be. I have scripted every scene I've ever done. I've done scores of sessions with scores of different dominant women. None of them truly made me feel I was not in some degree of control. I was really broken last night. Control lost.

 

 

Here is how it all went down. Mistress ordered me to her bed. I was lying flat. Arms and legs tight. The ball gag I foolishly suggested was a particularly bad decision. She told me that I had a choice to make. I could call it off, or I could consent to a brutal beating that I would have no control over. As much as I didn't want it, I knew I needed it. She lit into my ass. in sets of ten. It didn't take long to know what I had signed up for. I squirmed. I moaned, I begged. My breathing got heavy. One implement after another rained down fire on my ass. This wasn't fun. This was real. Mistress Noir broke me. I was truly at her mercy. Piling on extra for my lateness and then more when the ball gag caused muscle spasms in my jaw. Mocking me for my inability to express much about my predicament being especially cruel.

 

 

It really wasn't fun. But oddly enough I know this is something I'm going to do again. I enjoy those long, luxurious, connective fun floggings, but I think I need to take a hard, cold, brutal one sometimes as well. When this one was over I felt a rush and an intense desire to kneel before her and kiss her ass, which she graciously allowed me.

 

 

Almost secondary to the intensity of that act is the fact that I am now locked in chastity to Mistress Noir. I'm almost a day in and so far all is well. It's a secure feeling to get hard in a cage knowing it is so limited. I think about her constantly. I don't think of the orgasm I can't have, I just think of her. I crave the accountability she has given me. We agreed to 21 days and I know she'll hold me to it. It is not going to be easy, but it is what I asked for and what I need.

A word from Mistress Noir

Sunday has come and what we seek will begin...
A journey into something we know intimately but still have not experienced to the cycle of fulfillment.
What is fulfillment?
Days of control... specifically in this case 21 days.
I want to feel the ups, the downs, the sacrifices, the control, the power, the submission, the domination, the pain, the pleasure of the PROCESS.
I have had men in the past say they are going to go into chastity and make it a few days... they have yet NOT FULFILLED  me with experiences that I consider success or fulfillment.
When  men give in and give up and take away the pleasure of giving me control its disappointing.
I have waited 2 years for a man who is willing to enter into this experiment with me.
I dont think it will be like what he expects or I. The purpose for this is personal... he has his reasons and I have mine.
Over the next 21 days we will delve more into the personal but for now I am present and comfortable that we have the courage to begin.
Beginning is something that doesnt always come easy, speaking for myself.
Im excited...
Thank you to my research partner... we are calling him Noir's chastity slave. Must shorten that title "Ncs" is the shortened for Noir's chastity slave.
Thank you Ncs.
Mistress NOir

Tomorrow I will begin chastity with Mistress Noir

I'm in my forties. It's not too many times I have a date circled on my calendar with each preceding day marked off like a 10-year-old anticipating Christmas morning. But I have that now. I've had that all week. Tomorrow I will surrender real power to someone who will hold me accountable, the amazing Mistress Noir. After several weeks of trial and error, negotiations and meetings, I will begin 21 hard days of chastity and receive my first true "no-limit" disciplinary punishment. I'm not sure which of those two things I'm more nervous about.

 

I'm a typical submissive. I watch a lot of fetish porn, I develop fantasies, I write down detailed accounts of my desires, see professional doms, act them out and it is all kind of paint by numbers. Still fun, but I'm never really nervous, and I never really get in over my head. Tomorrow will be different.

 

 

Most mistresses I've been with ease up at the first sign of duress. Part of me liked that, but after time I began to question who the hell I was in all this. Is this desire to submit really me or not? Do I really want to submit to a woman or control the situation. This came to mind when I met Mistress Noir, and we really struck up a rapport after I interviewed her for my podcast Dominatrix Conversations. She got into my head. We exchanged thoughts and views on kinkiness and we didn't rush into anything. We set a course, we've laid out expectations, and we've made a solemn pact that she will hold me accountable to. Regardless of how it goes, I know I will never forget her.

This is what I've agreed on and what I am facing. First I will be beaten. Mistress has promised to tie me down, arms and legs spread wide, in bondage, blindfolded, completely at her mercy. I will be left there for a period of time she chooses marinating in the situation. At some point she is going to come in, gag me and punish me. Fortunately I don't think I've displeased her yet, but that is not really the purpose of this punishment. Mistress Noir has promised to give me a serious ass beating to establish a baseline for what will happen if I try to renege on our agreement or manipulate the cage illegally. This isn't designed to be playful or fun and it will go on until she feels I know the consequences of disobedience. I'm hoping to convince her quickly. When it's over, I will have a clear understanding that this will be the future consequences for violating our agreement on wearing my chastity device honest and true, which I will begin doing this night. I'm not looking forward to this punishment, as I am not going to enjoy it. I'm not a pain slut. I'm just a man who wants to live true to himself and kneel before a woman and say, "I want to feel what it is like to be truly under your power and control and live up to the fantasies in my head -- even if they are difficult."

 

The purpose of this is a two part experiment on both our parts to find out how chastity changes behavior in a man, and secondly how does corporal punishment change the man. I'm as curious to find out the answers as she is.

For my chastity I will be wearing a cb6000, the ever popular device. I have added the KSD-G3 attachment to make it even more secure. Fantasy and reality are very different. I've experimented on my own. Chastity isn't easy. There is a constant reminder around your dick that you are being controlled. Every woman looks more attractive, you sure as hell won't be having sex with any of them, and the device leaves you in a state of perpetual arousal. All submissives know that feeling we get when we cum. That dizzy headed car crash sense of "how did I get here." Your eagerness to serve dissipates, you lose your place.

 

For 21 days minimum, I won't be having an orgasm unless it is Mistress Noir's express desire and ok. If I find a way to cheat and masturbate, I must confess and accept a punishment or lose my place in her life. The only way the device is coming off and the experiment ends is if it causes a medical issue. I have asked Mistress to tend to the body carefully, but let me work through the torment of this experiment. No way out, no excuses. It's an intimate thing and I feel special to be doing this with her.

It's also a vicious circle I'm facing, I'm happy to share it and I could not be happier to begin.